The Fantasy Of Tom by Cassatt

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Disclaimer: Paramount owns them. But...
Rating: NC-17 Contains graphic scenes of consensual adult M/M sex.

Summary: C/P, J/C, P/T Chapter Seven: The boys find time to play, and the wind gets stronger...
Copyright July 2001 Cassatt

The Fantasy of Tom

Chakotay was lying on his couch, just as he'd wanted, his eyes closed, his mind finally quiet. He wasn't thinking. He wasn't feeling. He was just being. The door chime intruded into the peace. Damn. Sitting up, rubbing his face, he took a swig of tea before opening the door.

Tom walked in, and Chakotay's stomach flip-flopped. The young man looked apprehensive.

"Come on in, Tom," he said, beckoning him to the couch.

He sat down next to Chakotay, collapsing against the back, exhaling loudly. "Look, Chakotay, I just need to say something... I don't want to be the reason for you and the captain to be fighting, okay? I can take whatever she, excuse me for saying this, dishes out. Really."

Chakotay smiled. "I know you can, or could, if there were a level playing field. But this isn't one. She's in a position of power. What she does can affect your entire future in Starfleet."

"If I even have a future," Tom muttered.

"Try not to worry about Kathryn and me. We'll be fine, or we won't be, I don't know at the moment. I still love her, don't misunderstand me, I just really don't like seeing this side of her. She was being unfair to you. I know it, you know it, Harry probably knows it?" Tom nodded. "And, ultimately, she knows it too. It was my job to tell her so." Chakotay relaxed against the back of the couch, too, putting his feet up on the low table.

"You have kind of an awful job, don't you?" Tom asked, turning his head toward him.

Chakotay laughed softly. "In some ways, I do. But at least I'm alive and heading on a course for home with an extraordinary group of people. So, all things considered...."

Tom smiled at him. "Speaking of all considering all things, thank you for waking me up this morning. I would have been in much deeper shit if you hadn't. And thank you for defending me. Not too many people have done that, hell, I could name them on one hand. The ironic part is that the captain is one of them..."

"You're welcome. Any time, Tom."

"And, um, I got your message this morning. About tonight?"

Chakotay's heart started to pound. He nodded, meeting the blue eyes directly and deeply. "I'm free, but I'd like to suggest a different sport...."

Chakotay didn't care, as long as it was a workout and held the possibility of an open-ended evening. "Okay, what?"

Tom turned on the couch, his eyes sparkling. "Well, I've been working on a new holoprogram, trying to recreate that old basketball court that was behind building A-6 at the Academy. Did you ever use it? Decrepit as hell, but I loved it."

Chakotay laughed. "Gods, that thing? I haven't thought about it in years. Yes, I used it, too. Liked basketball. One of my few friends used to play one-on-one with me. Late into the night, working off our frustrations over quantum mechanics. That's a great idea, Tom, I'd love to try it out."

Tom beamed. "Really?"

"Really. Now, do you mind if I ask you a question? About this morning?"

"No, what?"

"Were you asleep when the ship blew up, or did you do that deliberately?" Chakotay said with a smile.

Tom moaned. "Oh, God, maybe you shouldn't ask me that, Chakotay."

"Why, cause you did do it deliberately?"

"No, no, not that. Although that would have been a great idea ... sorry I didn't think of it," Tom said, laughing. "No, I was off somewhere else and just sort of spaced it..."

Chakotay noted with surprise that Tom was blushing slightly. "And that somewhere else would be ... come on, you can tell me," he teased, poking Tom in the side.

Tom looked at him from under his brow, a grin playing on his mouth. "Well, I was dead tired, and every time I'd think how tired I was, I'd remember why I was so tired, and then I'd start thinking about you... and me and I just didn't have the strength to fight the pictures any more! So there I am, all eyes on me, and I'm off in bed with you," Tom chuckled, "and then the noise of the explosion brought me back and God, I nearly lost it, it was so funny to me. I mean an explosion?! Oh my God..."

Chakotay began to laugh out loud, just as Tom did the same. It was infectious, as soon as one would calm down, the other wouldn't and they would start up again. Chakotay couldn't help it, he needed the release so badly, but finally forced himself to stop. He wiped the wetness from the corners of his eyes and groaned.

"Spirits, thanks Tom, I needed that," he said, watching the younger man also trying to stop. "So the 'oops' wasn't deliberate, either, I assume?"

Tom chuckled with the remains of intense laughter. "Hell, no, I didn't even realize I said it... ironic, don't you think? My best line in weeks..."

They grinned at each other. Causing, again, unbidden emotions to make their presence known in Chakotay's chest. He closed his eyes to calm them. There was only about twenty minutes left of their lunch break and he had to function. He was startled by a mouth on his, Tom kissing him gently, but pursuasively, bringing forth a soft moan from deep in Chakotay's throat as he returned kiss for kiss, the intensity building back and forth until, finally, Tom began to push his tongue into Chakotay's mouth. At the moment their tongues met they both groaned, the kiss deepened quickly and Chakotay felt any remaining reservations simply vanish. He didn't want to wait until that night, didn't want to have any responsibilities, didn't want to think about anything...

The door chimed.

"Damn..." Tom said, pulling back enough to look him in the eye.

"Yeah," he answered softly. He asked the computer who was at the door, though in the back of his mind, he knew. He was right, it was Kathryn. Tom paled visibly.

"Look, Chakotay, I'm going to use your bathroom for a minute, okay? I just need to get my ever-efficient-pilot's mask on before I see her," he said, pushing himself off the couch.

"Sure, but don't worry, you're allowed to come here and talk, especially after what happened on the bridge this morning. I'll tell her you're here, do what you need to. And Tom? What time tonight?"

The door chimed again.

"Um, 1900 hours, meet me at holodeck one. After the game, we'll go back to my quarters," he said with a grin that made the back of Chakotay's knees tingle.

"It's a date."

Tom trotted into the bedroom. Chakotay arranged himself on the couch, his feet up on the table with legs crossed, hiding the slight erection he now had. He picked up his tea and took a very deep breath. He called for the door to be opened and in walked Kathryn. Seeing her stiff posture and stiffer countenance, he felt some residual anger well up inside. Please, don't start another fight, Kathryn...

"Am I interrupting anything?" she asked, walking directly to him. He motioned her to sit and was grateful she did.

"Not exactly, we were just finishing. Tom's here, we've been talking about this morning." He watched her eyes shifting to the bedroom door. "He's in the bathroom."

She looked as though she were going to speak, then hesitated. He silently encouraged her to do it. He was in no mood to get into it and thought that with Tom there she might control herself.

"Is he all right, Chakotay?" she said, bringing her hands tightly together in her lap.

His anger dissipated. Reaching out, he covered her hands with one of his. She gave him a small, tight smile. "He's fine. I can't say much more than that. Perhaps you could talk to him..."

"Yes, I could do that."

The noise of the bathroom door swooshing open brought their attention upward. Tom came into the room, looking the model of professionalism.

"Good afternoon, Captain," he said seriously.

"Tom," she replied with a nod.

He turned to Chakotay. "Thank you."

"Any time, Tom. We'll see you on the bridge." Their eyes locked very briefly, then Tom headed for the doorway.

"Tom, wait..." Kathryn stood quickly.

Chakotay watched the man turn more slowly than he would normally. "Yes, ma'am?"

"I owe you an apology. I'm sorry that I was so hard on you this morning. You're the ... best pilot I've ever flown with and I don't want you ever thinking that I feel otherwise." She raised her chin slightly and pulled back her shoulders.

Tom's stance relaxed. "Thank you, Captain. Apology accepted. Ma'am."

"Thank you, Lieutenant."

Tom nodded once more to them both and left. Chakotay breathed deeply, feeling suddenly exhausted on many different levels. He knew he and Kathryn needed to talk, he had an almost desperate need to be on solid, normal ground with her again, but her words from that morning still hurt.

Sitting down next to him again, Kathryn did not relax. She perched. Her hands fidgeted. "I owe you one, too, Chakotay - and I'm afraid you won't be quite so forgiving..."

"Why don't you try me?" he said gently, reaching once more for her hands.

She met his eyes directly and he found himself very willing to fall into their blue-grey depths. "I'm sorry. I have no excuses. I know I said some hurtful things to you.... I'm sorry...."

"You're forgiven, Kathryn."

She smiled. "Just like that?"

He nodded, returning the smile. "Just like that. Come here..." Pulling her to his chest, the knot in his stomach disappeared and the ground was once again solid, firm, and supportive.


"Twelve ten, me..." Tom was grinning widely, dribbling slowly, squatting slightly.

Facing him, Chakotay grinned back and pretended to try and get the ball away. "Not for long..."

"You may've won the first game, but that's the last one you're gonna get..." Tom made his move, barely getting by, Chakotay right with him, finally cutting him off ten feet from the basket.

"Told ya," the defender panted out.

Tom grinned again and turned quickly, his back to the goal, still dribbling, using his body to push Chakotay back bit by bit. Feeling Tom doing a bit more than just bumping him, he laughed. "You enjoying this, Tom?" he said.

"You bet...." He pushed another time, giving the extra move of his hips. "How bout you?"

"Yeah, but I think you're just trying to distract me..."

"Geesh," Tom said with a laugh, "you think I'd stoop that low...." He repeated the action, but this time Chakotay planted himself more firmly, and when Tom moved his feet he ran into a wall of muscle with an 'oomph'.

"Yes," Chakotay replied, also laughing.

Tom made another quick move, to his left, preparing to shoot, but Chakotay threw his arms around Tom's waist and pulled him tight, both of them now laughing hard.

"Holding!" Tom choked out. "Unfair, foul, free throw...."

Chakotay took the opportunity presented and began to kiss the back of Tom's neck in between laughs. Still chuckling, Tom was nonetheless responding, rotating his hips backwards. Chakotay moved his hand and punched the ball out of Tom's grip, let go quickly and dashed after the ball, picking it up and taking it in for a lay-up, laughing the entire time.

"Double unfair! Triple foul, four free throws to me..." Tom was laughing harder now, however. Chakotay, grinning widely, picked up the ball and approached him. "You're in for it now, big guy," Tom said wickedly.

Chakotay passed the ball to him from a few feet away. "You're right," he said, the grin never waivering, "I think that was a triple foul, you get four free throws. I'll give them to you, you're gonna need 'em..."

"Oooo, I am gonna get you for that," Tom said, his voice lowering, his grin matching his opponent's. "You just wait... you will be begging me for mercy..." He started to dribble again, moving back to the line.

Chakotay began to laugh again, feeling a thrill of anticipation hit his stomach as it turned over. "Promises, promises, Tom......"

Grinning, they faced off one more time.

"Twelve all," Tom said, their eyes firmly locked.


Chakotay laid down next to Tom, trailing his hand down the man's chest. The smell of sweaty maleness had been transformed into the scent of Starfleet issue soap and maleness. The foreplay started on the basketball court continued in the shower but no relief was given, just more stimulation, and more still. For awhile there, with hot water streaming down around them, Chakotay had thought that Tom would be proven right; he was close to begging, very close. But Tom brought himself back up to Chakotay's level and resumed the intense, deep kissing, his mouth traveling across his jaw, then to his neck, their bodies pressing together, Chakotay between the wall and Tom, perfectly content to stay there for another few hours. But Tom had other ideas, turning off the water, finding some towels. They dried each other off quickly, and finally got themselves onto the bed.

Chakotay watched Tom's face as he moved his fingertips, caressing the man's chest, seeing his eyes momentarily close when the fingers moved over his nipples. Chakotay smiled softly and rolled onto him, falling on his mouth as they tangled arms and legs together, sighing at the intensity of the full body contact. He moved his kisses from Tom's mouth, to his jawline, to his neck, their bodies writhing slowly together, Tom's hands running up and down Chakotay's back, their erections growing rapidly again, hardness against hardness.

"Oh...God," Tom whispered.

Chakotay heard the yearning and his stomach turned over. He brought his mouth back up, along the jawline again, but as he crossed Tom's cheek he pulled back and tried to make eye contact. Tom slowly focused on him; the normally clear blue irises were hazy with heat, and his own desire spiraled seeing it. He rotated his hips into Tom and watched the heat intensify, heard a moan, and did it again. Tom began to pull his legs apart, nestling Chakotay between them.

"Please....," Tom whispered again.

Chakotay smiled and dropped his head, kissing him thoroughly, and gently, pulling back enough to ask. He wanted to hear it, needed to hear it, Gods, he needed this man... "What, Tom, what do you want...." he said softly, tracing the lips in front of him with one finger.

Their eyes focused again and Chakotay's heart nearly burst to see the emotion in Tom's. "I want you inside me, moving inside me.... until we pass out..." He trailed his hands down Chakotay's back to his ass, pulling it against him, bringing a groan out of Chakotay's throat. "I'll beg if you want..." Tom said huskily, a small grin forming.

"Begging is always ... appreciated," he replied with an equally husky voice, still moving his pelvis into Tom, spiraling them up a little at a time.

Tom brought his hand up to Chakotay's face, caressing it momentarily before putting it behind Chakotay's head and pulling gently. Just before their lips touched, Tom whispered, "Please...." This kiss was deep, and hard, and hot, their tongues straining together to taste and reach as much as they could.

Tom reached behind him frantically, finally finding the tube, flipping the top. Chakotay heard the sound and groaned, his knees tingling, reaching for Tom's hand, grasping it, the tube of lubricant wedged tightly. Tom pulled his mouth back, "Let me..." he pleaded. Chakotay nodded with a smile and rolled off to the side enough for Tom to apply it, trying not to respond too quickly, but failing miserably, finally pulling Tom's hand off him with a groan, which turned to a chuckle seeing the wicked smile break across the younger man's face.

He rolled back as Tom pulled his legs up high, granting access. "Tom... you are trying to drive me insane, aren't you..." he said, grinning. He got some lubricant on his fingers and placed the tips at Tom's opening.

"Absolutely, Chakotay... completely...ungh," he responded as Chakotay shoved one finger smoothly inside him. "Insane...." Another finger went in and Tom groaned deeply. "...with me..."

Chakotay worked his hand for just another moment, then withdrew. He positioned himself, his heart thudding wildly as it usually did at this moment, and made eye contact. Gods, I need him... Tom's eyes were hot, pleading, wanting. He entered, waiting until Tom was ready, then slid in, accompanied by deep noises from both of them, in and in and in, Tom moving to take in more, until he was deeply sheathed, and their mouths met intensely, panting hot breaths into each other. They started their journey to bliss......

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Tom's mind began to register things gradually. His heart beating loudly but no longer racing. The wonderfully warm, solid body lying on him. Fingers gently moving through his hair. Lips caressing his neck. The tingling ache between his cheeks, the stickiness between their bellies. The sweet warmth that permeated all of his cells, the afterglow that he craved. He knew he was smiling but couldn't stop it. This man.... this man on top of him.... damn. This man had made love to him, amazing, wonderful love. God, he was in deep.

Chakotay was kissing his neck, licking the salt there. That felt too good. He felt good. They felt good. "Oh.... damn," Tom moaned in almost a whisper.

The kisses stopped. "You're back," the man on top of him said, sounding pleased. "Why the 'damn'?" The velvet voice ended up vibrating against his skin as the kisses commenced again. Tom floated, and considered.

"You.... you are just amazing, that's all.... and I .... I think I'd better shut up now..." he said with a slight chuckle.

Chakotay raised his head and looked at him. "And that's a 'damn' because..." Tom looked into the deepest brown eyes, and thought he could never see them enough.

Because I'm getting way too attached to this? Because we just did more than have great sex? Because I think we just made love? He couldn't say those things. "Because I think I'm going to want to do this more often than will be possible."

Chakotay rolled slightly off, propping his head on a fist, keeping his leg and an arm draped across Tom, tracing lazy circles on his chest. He looked about to say something, then hesitated. Taking a very deep breath, he finally met Tom's eyes again. "That might be true, for both of us, but let's just play it by ear?"

He wasn't certain, but he was almost. That wasn't at all what Chakotay had been about to say.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Chakotay woke up a couple of hours later, moving up and down rhythmically, half lying on Tom's back, half on the mattress. After taking a moment to register where he was, he rolled more on his side, draping his arm around Tom's shoulders. He felt good, almost too good. Waking more fully as memories of the evening washed over him, he allowed himself to really feel. Consciously. Finally. Acknowledging what he'd only let himself slightly consider while they were making love. Making love. He smiled at himself. Funny how the mind usually speaks the truth, even if you don't want to think about it.

He had to get back to his quarters fairly early, having a breakfast date with Kathryn for 0630. Why that awful time, he wasn't sure, but he'd agreed, wanting to give her what she needed. He couldn't even imagine what he was going to tell her, if anything. He put that train of thought immediately out of his mind. Kathryn was not here, Tom was. Period. So get up now, try to make it back to his quarters in his very dirty basketball shorts without being seen, call for a site-to-site, or just stay and say the hell with it all.

Rolling back toward the deeply sleeping man next to him, he allowed himself another taste, kissing Tom's shoulder slowly, moving his body up next to him, warm skin to warm skin. He'd give himself fifteen minutes, then get up and leave. Tom began to stir, turning his head to face him.

"You're still here..." Tom mumbled.

Chakotay chuckled softly. "How should I take that?"

"Only ... in the best way ... just dreaming that you left, didn't like it..." His eyes closed again.

"I do have to leave soon. Gotta figure out some way to get home, didn't bring a change of clothes...." He smiled to feel Tom scooting even closer to him with a soft noise of satisfaction.

"Borrow something.... closet shelves.... leave your stuff in refresher.... stay......"

Chakotay considered borrowing something of Tom's. Would anyone recognize it? Likely not. He shook his head. Since when did he worry about what people thought of him? The hell with it. "Thanks, I'll borrow some clothes." He then thought about timing, not really wanting to leave at that moment. He could do it. Get up an hour before his breakfast, wash up here... "Can I use your shaver?"

"Mm-hm .... and toothbrush, or replicate...."

"Thanks, Tom. You're a prince," he said with a smile.

Tom opened one eye, giving a tired grin. "Yeah, that's me, a prince among men, just ask anyone," he said with a touch of sarcasm.

Chakotay reached out and gently stroked the blond head. "I wouldn't be here, we both know that, if you hadn't put your needs aside for mine. Not a month goes by that I don't think about it. Lots of other people owe you a helluva debt, too. Don't sell yourself short, Tom," he said with more passion than he planned. Tom's eyes were now firmly locked on his. "Really," he continued, "you are a good man, and most of us know it."

Tom didn't say anything for a moment. "Thank you. Your opinion matters...."

He could see how difficult that admission had been, and his heart ached for him. That he could have had such an influence over this young man was almost more than he could think about. He would never again wish any harm on him, though admittedly he had in the past. He rolled onto his back, eyes never waivering, and opened his arms. Tom came to them willingly, sinking into the embrace with a sigh. Chakotay felt his heart open yet again and kissed Tom's head, closing his eyes, letting himself drift, feeling Tom fall back asleep. He followed soon afterwards.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Chakotay's biological clock didn't fail him. He rolled, Tom's chronometer read 0540. Quietly he got himself up, replicated himself a toothbrush and headed for the bathroom to complete his morning routine. He took a quick sonic shower, brushed and shaved. Gathering up his dirty clothes, and Tom's, he dumped the whole lot in the refresher then went looking for something to wear. Tom was still sleeping soundly and he was loathe to wake him. He knew the alarm was set for 0645, and that Tom would do anything rather than be late again, so he vowed to himself he wouldn't worry. On the closet shelves, at the bottom of the pile, he found some pants and a tee-shirt. After slipping on his shoes, he went back to Tom. It was then he noticed the PADD sitting next to the bed. He opened it. It was the message he'd left the morning before. For some reason, Chakotay found this unbearably tender, that Tom would have saved it. He added another message below the original one, placed the PADD on the second pillow, took the opportunity given and very gently ran his fingers through Tom's hair. He studied the man. What am I going to do? He could only think moment to moment. He squatted next to the bed, unknowingly imitating Tom's own action, and softly kissed his head. He left.

The corridors of the ship were, thankfully, mostly empty. Gamma shift wasn't over yet and alpha staff was just beginning to stir. He greeted those few crewmembers he saw as he walked to his quarters. His mind was not quiet. Even as he pleaded for silence, and peace, he felt as though he were being bombarded from all sides. He had to at least admit, to himself, that seeing Kathryn that morning was really the last thing he wanted. He was only grateful that this was his scheduled day off, so he tried to think about plans for that day rather than what was in store for him in a very short while. He gave up after a few minutes and decided to pray for guidance instead.