Disclaimer: Paramount, the almighty one, owns them
Rating: NC-17 Contains scene of consensual adult M/M sex.
Summary: C/P, J/C, P/T. Chapter four: Things heat up for the boys, and Tom is confronted by his other commanding officer.
Copyright July 2001 Cassatt
The Fantasy of Tom
Chakotay sat in the mess hall, finishing up his lunch quickly, hoping for a fair amount of free time before he had to return to the bridge. Sitting by himself, watching the crew eating with their friends, he felt, again, overwhelmed by the direction his life had taken. The past twenty-four hours had changed his entire outlook.
He'd always been monogamous and believed in monogamy. And although his was of the serial kind, with long gaps in between, he'd always wanted what he now had with Kathryn. And though the gaps had been spotted with encounters, all extremely brief and one not even remembered, none of it prepared him for the situation he was facing now. And Kathryn, Spirits, how she could still amaze him. He had to trust that what she said that morning was really the truth. For her. That she would do her best to handle the next part of their journey together.
And since, he decided, he was being introspective and honest, he forced himself to really look at how he was feeling that morning. He had to admit that he felt a flutter of basic excitement at the moment. There were actually very slight butterflies in his stomach. He was waiting to see if Tom came into the messhall, so that his request would seem casual to anyone observing. They had to talk, and for Chakotay, sooner was better than later.
The sound of laughter brought his attention to the doorway. The three muskateers had just come in, and from the looks of it Tom had told a joke, for B'Elanna and Harry were the ones laughing. His heart lurched. He hadn't let himself think about 'Lanna, other than during his talk with Kathryn. She was worried about her. He was, too. He'd kill himself and Tom as well if she got hurt. She was one topic on the agenda that they had to discuss.
After waiting the few minutes it took for the three to get their lunch from Neelix and find a table, he stood and made as if taking his tray back to the counter. He took a deep breath as he approached them. B'Elanna noticed him first and waved with a smile. Well, that answers that question, he thought. She clearly hadn't been told what was going on between her boyfriend and her oldest friend. He smiled in return.
"Hey, Chakotay, how are you?" she said, pulling out the one empty chair remaining. "Have a seat and visit. It's been a few days..."
He kept his eyes locked with hers. "No, thanks, B'Elanna, I've got some things that need my attention before I get back to the bridge." His eyes traveled to Tom's and the butterflies made their presence known. "Speaking of which, Tom, could you stop by my office after you eat?"
Tom's eyes subtly changed. "Sure. I'll be there in about five or ten minutes. Would that be okay?"
"That'll be fine," he said, trying to sound casual, hoping he succeeded. "See you later," he said to the group as he turned and left.
What he didn't hear as he exited the messhall was first Harry and then B'Elanna ribbing Tom for being willing to wolf down his lunch in five minutes just to make points with his commanding officer. Tom shrugged them off, claiming he was merely trying to be cooperative, eating quickly, his mind somewhere else entirely.
Chakotay paced his office. Finally the door chime sounded. He needed to be sure. "Computer, who's at this door?"
"Lieutenant Thomas Eugene Paris ."
"Computer, initiate secure door lock after entrance, command code Chakotay beta two zero."
"Door lock sequence to be engaged after entrance."
The door swooshed open and Tom walked in, looking nervous, just as he had the day before. After the door closed, the computer sounded the three beeps of the secure door lock, causing Tom to look quickly behind him then back at Chakotay. His eyes changed again, the nervous look disappeared.
Chakotay motioned him to the couch, then sat. Tom joined him, sitting slightly sideways and draping one arm across the back of the small settee.
"Tom, I have some things I have to tell you, and some questions for you," Chakotay said, willing some calm into his voice. He'd never been in this situation before, negotiating a purely sexual relationship with someone, particularly when that someone was sitting so close that the smell of his aftershave was making his groin tighten. He admonished himself to get a grip.
"Okay," Tom answered.
Chakotay tugged on his ear. "I .... I had a long talk with Kathryn last night." He noticed Tom pale a bit. "I told her as much as I thought she'd want to know, meaning everything except details of what we've done. A, because I think that's between you and me and B, because it would really only upset her. I will never choose to do anything that will hurt her, or my relationship with her. I love her and I plan to spend the rest of my life loving her."
"You don't need to explain that to me, Chakotay."
"Well, maybe I just needed to say it out loud, to put it here in the room with us."
"So, should I replicate another toothbrush?" Tom said, his cocky grin not quite hiding the insecurity evident in his eyes.
Chakotay smiled. "Probably not. But that'll be her decision."
Tom looked down at the hand on his thigh. "Is she okay?"
"She's fine. She... is willing to let me do what I want as far as you and I are concerned, she just has a few requests. Of course, that we not let anything interfere with our professional conduct. That we don't do anything to, as she puts it, shove it in front of her face. And that we do whatever we can to see that B'Elanna isn't hurt."
"Jesus. I think B'Elanna is my business," Tom said with a bit of anger.
"I know, Tom. But she's also partly my business. And Kathryn sees every member of the crew as her business. You know that..."
Tom was silent for a minute. "Shit. Yeah, I know that. I wouldn't be where I am if she didn't believe that. Shit. I'd decided that if, well, you still wanted to then I wouldn't tell B'Elanna. She'd never understand. I mean, she knows that I've had experience with men and she's cool with it. She... never mind. But I just don't think she could handle this. Not with you. I, I can't risk losing her. No one else is going to know... she doesn't have to."
He interrupted. "I know, Chakotay, honesty is always the best. And I know that you would kill me if I hurt her. Believe me, I know that. Do you have any idea how hard it was to send you that message yesterday, knowing that? I contemplated just bringing a phaser with me and handing it over to you, to be done with it." He raised his arms and let them fall back onto his thighs, the sound of the slap intruding harshly. "But damn it, this is my choice, and I'm not willing to ignore what I want with you, I can't. I can't..." He put his head in his hands. "I just keep thinking about it, hell, that's almost all I did last night, think about it, about you... I don't understand what's happening, I just know I don't want it to stop..."
The blood surging into Chakotay's lap almost made him gasp. He reached out and touched Tom on the shoulder. Tom raised his head and the look he had in his eyes was one of pure need. He half lifted himself up onto the knee already on the couch and moved toward Chakotay slowly, keeping eye contact, placing an arm on either side of the man. Tom dropped his head and fell hard on Chakotay's mouth with parted lips, taking it with a moan, getting a moan in response as once more this overwhelming sexual energy was passed mouth to mouth, tongue to tongue. Their hands started to roam, unerringly heading for the growing bulges in their pants, seeking the most intense pleasure, the most intense release.
"Please..." Tom groaned, as he tried to get closer on the small couch.
"Tell me." Chakotay moved his hands around and began to massage Tom's ass.
"Take off these damned uniforms..." he sent his tongue back in.
"Gods, Tom..." he said against the other man's mouth. He returned his hands to the front and tried to quickly unzip Tom's jacket. Their breathing became harder as their mouths moved more forcefully together, then both of them were working on removing Tom's clothing in an effort to get it off fast.
Tom broke contact and pushed back off the couch, undoing his boots and kicking them off, then squatting down and removing Chakotay's. He stood and pulled off his shirts, tossing them somewhere behind him. He grabbed Chakotay's hands and yanked him to his feet then quickly got rid of his jacket and shirts. They were both in only their pants, facing each other.
Tom moved closer until he was just inches away. Their breathing was labored, their eyes were glassy with desire. Their erections were obvious. Tom unfastened Chakotay's pants and moved them away enough so that he could touch him, skin to velvet skin.
At the feel of Tom's hand on him, he almost swooned. He heard himself make the softest of moans and felt his eyelids dropping. Tom's mouth came back to his, his tongue plunging back onto his palate, the soft moans getting louder as Tom stroked him slowly.
"Fuck me...." Tom pleaded in a whisper. He took Chakotay's pants down and helped him step out of them. Chakotay returned the favor, pausing to give some attention to Tom's erection, loving the sounds pleasure the man was making. Now they were toe to toe and as they had done in the Flyer the night before, they pulled each other close. Their erections rubbed together, their mouths locked again. The sensations were exquisitely erotic. They slowly moved against each other, letting their excitement build. Chakotay had never felt anything like this before the holodeck, simple, testosterone driven, raw sexual energy. He wasn't sure he could last long enough to give Tom what he wanted. What Chakotay wanted desperately, too.
He pulled back and grabbed Tom's arms and turned him around. Tom groaned. He then prodded him until Tom was against a wall, facing it, moving his hands up to lean, his breathing getting harder by the moment. Chakotay pushed himself up against Tom's back, rubbing himself, hearing the man moan deeply. "Stay here..." he said in Tom's ear.
He heard Tom panting indecipherable words to himself while he opened the desk and retrieved the previously replicated lubricant. The feel of the tube in his hand made him get even harder than he was. He returned to the man against the wall and once more plastered himself to his back, this time reaching around to the front and grasping Tom's hardness, slowly working his hand up and down it, just feeling it, getting Tom more excited. Chakotay opened the lubricant with his free hand and applied it to himself. Oh, Gods... he felt his knees go slightly weak in anticipation.
He let go of Tom and used both hands to part him, putting lubricant directly on him while Tom rocked his pelvis back to give better access. He was panting again. The sound made Chakotay's knees tingle. He stretched Tom some with his fingers to the accompanyment of low groans. He could no longer wait, his erection throbbing to be inside him. He placed himself at the opening, his heart pounding now, and began to push himself in. Tom moved backwards as he had done the week before, taking Chakotay in with a groan. This time, Chakotay sheathed himself more quickly, sliding in smoothly, overwhelmed by the sensation and the noises Tom was making.
Tom dropped his head, and Chakotay began to thrust, immediately reaching around to stroke him. Their hips moved in tandem and their climaxes began to spiral, deliciously, slowly. He thrust a little harder, and a little harder, Tom encouraging him with each increase in speed. Chakotay was almost too engrossed in the feeling of Tom surrounding him to notice that the gutteral moan had started. He slowed down his stroking, and continued thrusting, letting his own climax spiral more rapidly, then increased the movement of his hand again. He was getting so close to an orgasm. The combination of both of them getting close at the same time was almost more than he could take. He was on the brink, thrusting shallowly so he pumped Tom a little faster, hearing and feeling him almost there, too. Tom was panting out 'oh god' in between deep moans and Chakotay was hanging, deliciously hanging, and waiting. He thought he could wait forever, gently moving inside Tom. But he felt Tom's surge and pulled back sharply, then thrust hard with him, together, letting his climax explode as Tom groaned loudly and spurt his seed onto Chakotay's hand while his spilled deep inside Tom's ass. Oh... Gods......... They slowly spiraled back down.
Tom's legs began to give way so, reluctantly, Chakotay pulled out and helped him slide to the floor. Tom rolled onto his back and threw an arm over his eyes with a groan, then began to laugh softly. Chakotay smiled deeply and went back to the desk to get the towel he'd stashed there earlier, cleaning himself off, then squatted down to gently clean Tom off, too. At the first touch, Tom moved his arm away and met Chakotay's eyes. The blue was dancing and again, the older man had to smile at the sight.
"Come on," Chakotay said, "we've got to get to the bridge. We've got ten minutes."
"God, you push a man to the brink of delirium and then expect him to pilot a starship? Jesus, I'll be lucky to get my clothes back on in the right order," Tom laughed.
At that, Chakotay began to laugh, too. He stood and started to collect clothing, trying to sort things out, and having some trouble doing it. They wore the same size. The only thing he could distinguish was the turtleneck because of the insignias. Tom got up and tried to help. In between bouts of serious laughter and swearing, they finally went by aftershave smell and got dressed with three minutes to spare. They combed their hair and checked each other for professional demeanor. Such as it was. Chakotay dug around in his desk and found some breath mints and tossed one to Tom after popping one in his mouth.
Even though they would be a few minutes late, they stopped in the bathroom on that deck. Chakotay was bending over the sink, washing his hands when he felt Tom's touch his lower back then travel slowly down his hip. He felt it right between his legs and in his chest. He stood, shaking the water off, pretending to ignore the touch. Tom moved up behind him, pressing lightly into his body. He felt every millimeter of contact as white heat.
"Anytime, Chakotay," he said in a very low voice, "you just tell me when, and where..."
All he could do was barely nod, overcome by his body's response to this man. Tom left the bathroom. At the sound of the door closing, Chakotay leaned heavily on the sink, hung his head and tried to breathe. He tapped his chest.
"Chakotay to Janeway."
He knew from her response she was not alone. "I'm going to be about fifteen minutes late, there are some things I'd like to finish up before bridge duty. Will that be a problem?" He was surprised at how normal he sounded.
"No, not at all. See you then. Janeway out."
Thank you Kathryn, I love you. He went quickly to his quarters, once again stripping as soon as he was inside, heading for a shower, to wash away the smell of sweat, sex and Tom that permeated his nostrils, to breathe deeply, to ground himself. He put on clean clothes and a spot of aftershave. For her sake, and his, he wanted to appear as normal as possible.
Tom entered the bridge, feeling too damned good. His body was still humming, just slightly, just enough to give him a buzz. He only had to keep his mind on his duties, and not on the man who'd be sitting directly behind him.
"Hey Tom," Harry said quietly as he passed Ops.
"Hey yourself Har." He grinned at his friend then immediately toned it down. Harry smiled back and he continued down the steps.
You can do it, Tom. The red head of his captain was coming up on his right. He put the Starfleet rod into his spine and proceeded to the helm. He was just touching the ensign who'd relieved him for lunch on the shoulder when the voice he knew too well came at him from behind.
He turned and met the grey-blue eyes of his commanding officer. "Yes, Captain?" His heart had begun to pound loudly. He tried not to cringe, imagining the worst - You've been fucking my lover again, haven't you?
"I believe your shift started five minutes ago."
"Yes, ma'am. I apologize for being late." He turned back to the helm.
"Perhaps you should apologize to Ensign Br'ill. She's been waiting to go to lunch."
He couldn't tell if she was kidding, as she sometimes did, or was really giving him shit. He turned again and chose the safe response. "Yes, ma'am, I'll do that." He could read nothing in her countenance either.
"Good. Then when she returns, I'd like to speak to you in the ready room."
Shit. Damn. You've been fucking my lover again, haven't you... "Yes, Captain."
She nodded in satisfaction. On shaky legs, he turned one more time, apologized to Sarah and gratefully sat in his safe, familiar chair and got back to work, concentrating on the course heading, rechecking it just for something to do.
He heard the lift doors open and knew without turning around that Chakotay had finally come on to the bridge. He listened to the greeting between captain and first officer, as he had for years, heard the tone of their voices, the warmth that seeped in even though they tried to keep things strictly professional. He tried to understand what they were saying, for the first time ever feeling guilty for doing it. This surprised him. Luckily, he supposed then, he couldn't distinguish the words, but knew from how it sounded that they were saying personal things. Guilt was replaced by a stab of jealousy. Jesus, he thought, where the hell did that come from? The next hour was spent trying to figure out just how he felt about the situation he had put himself into. He thought he was fairly clear. Sex with Chakotay was just the fulfillment of a years-old fantasy of his. It was good. It was very very hot. It was intense. It was confusing.
Sarah returned from her lunch break, and Tom's hands began to sweat. He hadn't turned around once in the past hour, he hadn't had to face either the Captain or Chakotay. Standing, he gave her his post, took a deep breath that he hoped no one noticed and swiveled. He deliberately did not meet the first officer's eyes, not believing he could handle that, not right then.
"Captain, you wished to see me?"
He caught Chakotay's sharp turn to his right out of the corner of his eye. He stole a quick glance at him. He'd touched the captain's forearm and was looking at her intently, as though trying to discern what she was planning. She smiled back at him, and Tom could see that Chakotay couldn't tell what the smile meant. He couldn't either. His heart began to pound loudly again. Captain Janeway faced him directly and Tom almost got his eyes back on her in time. Almost. Tom, just go get a phaser...
"Yes, Tom," Janeway said as she stood, "Follow me, please." She headed for the ready room and Tom followed, again deliberately not meeting the stare of the man who would be in the room with them, whether he was still on the bridge or not.
The captain motioned Tom to sit at the desk while she walked to the replicator. She offered him something, he declined automatically out of surprise. She never offered him anything. Her cup of coffee materialized and Tom realized he actually was very thirsty so asked for a glass of water. He was really craving a beer, or anything alcoholic and chuckled to himself at the thought. Captain, I'll have a whiskey on the rocks please... She handed him the water and sat behind the desk, sipping her coffee. He wondered if she was trying to unnerve him, but really couldn't imagine she would do that. Then again, he'd never been fucking the love of her life before. He took a swallow of water and placed the glass on the desk in front of him, studying it as though it had a galaxy of answers in it's swirling depths.
He looked directly at her and rubbed his palms on his thighs. "Yes, Captain?"
"I'd like to talk a little bit about the situation we all are in now. I think it's best to get some things out in the open, don't you agree?"
Actually, he didn't. He'd almost rather be yelled at by B'Elanna than be sitting there. "Of course."
"Good." She sipped her coffee again. Tom suddenly got it. She was nervous. He breathed. "First of all, I think I owe you a small apology, for making a holographic representation of you, for Chakotay's birthday..."
God, please let's not talk about the holodeck, please? "Well, Captain, we're probably even there." He tried to make it light. He really did NOT want to talk about being on the holodeck, having sex with Chakotay, the fulfillment of his fantasies, seeing the two of them in positions he wasn't meant to see, having her there watching him being fucked and getting all the more turned on by that. Please change the topic.
She chuckled. "Yes, I guess we are at that. And I trust that some of the things you saw that night will remain just between the three of us?" She fiddled with the mug in front of her.
He was more than relieved to reassure her. "Of course, Captain, you can trust me, I won't tell a soul."
"Thank you. I confess, I've never been in this situation before. I don't think there are any ground rules for it, though I did look in the Doctor's databases, for any counseling advice. Don't worry, I didn't consult him directly," she said with a small smile. "But there are a few things I wanted to get clear."
"I love that man out there. I know you know that. I've waited a long time to be with him and I plan to stay here for the rest of my life. I will not stand for anyone hurting him. Do you understand me?" She looked at him with the Janeway look, the one that sent aliens running in the other direction.
"Yes, ma'am." He didn't know what else to say.
"I mean it, Tom. If you hurt him in any way, I will make your life so miserable you'll wish we'd drop you out an airlock."
"I understand," he said sincerely. "All I can do is promise that I'll do my best not to cause him any pain. That's not my intention, certainly..."
She interrupted him. "I know it's not." Sipping her coffee Tom got it again. She didn't want to hear what his intentions were, didn't want to hear the words come out of his mouth. He'd allow her that.
"Captain, may I speak freely?"
She hesitated, then agreed.
"My intention was and is not to hurt you, either. Ma'am."
He saw her eyes get misty. "Thank you, Tom. But so far, anyway, I'm not hurt. Now, another thing I feel the need to say. I can't allow this situation to affect the running of Voyager. Our personal feelings can't be allowed to interfere with the demands of this ship and crew. What happened yesterday, and last evening, cannot be repeated. If you have some personal issues, then deal with them in the appropriate way, but try not to bring them to work."
Tom looked down at his hands. "Again, Captain, I'll do my best. This is new for me, too."
"Thank you, that's all I can ask for. Just one more thing," she said. He steeled himself. "It's about B'Elanna..."
This time he interrupted her without thinking. "Excuse me, but I think that's a topic that is strictly between B'Elanna and me," he said with passion. He then realized what he had done. "I apologize, Captain. It's just... well, I've already been given my talking to about 'Lanna. It's a bit of a sensitive subject for me. I'm sorry." Okay, I'll go get my toothbrush now...
She looked at him intently. He saw the wheels turning and could do nothing but wait. "You're not planning on telling her, are you?"
He opened his mouth to answer, then closed it again.
"Tom, I'll concede that it's not really much of my business. I would just hate to see the two of you get into trouble, and I'm worried that she'll end up being the one person who gets hurt, and she is the most innocent." She paused, thinking again. "But I'll give you my guarantee that I won't tell anyone."
He took a deep breath. "Thank you, Captain."
"You're welcome, Tom. And about your work assignment for the next week?"
He was confused. "My work assignment?"
"Yes. You can bring your toothbrush to deck twelve. I believe there are some particularly filthy conduits down there."
She had said it with such a completely straight face, he was momentarily more confused. He'd really have to do that? Then she began to laugh, hard. He started to laugh with her.
"I'm sorry, Tom, I couldn't resist. The look on your face was truly worth it. Really, I'm sorry..." she was still chuckling.
"It's okay, Captain... you know, you should do stand up," he said with a grin.
"I'll think about it. Do you have anything you want to discuss?" She smiled.
"Fine then. You're dismissed." She waved her hand toward the door and picked up her coffee cup.
He got up. "Thank you, Captain." He gave her one of his best Starfleet turns and left. As the ready room doors closed behind him, he heard the beginnings of her laughter again. He shook his head in amazement and walked up the step heading for the helm, starting to chuckle himself.
"Lieutenant?" Chakotay's voice almost startled him, causing his heart to jump.
He met the man's eyes and his stomach flip-flopped. Oh shit, Tom, watch out... "Yes, Commander?"
"Is everything all right?"
He knew exactly what he meant. "Well, I think I might owe you one, sir. I've received a new work assignment for next week," he said significantly.
"Oh?" Chakotay's eyes burned just a bit.
"Yes. Apparently there are some conduits that require my attention on deck twelve," he replied, standing at attention.
"I see," Chakotay said, the beginnings of a grin playing on his mouth. "Well, then, I suppose you do owe me one, at that. We'll discuss payback. As soon as possible." Their eyes locked. Tom broke the gaze out of pure self-preservation.
"Thank you, sir." On almost shaky legs he proceeded on to the helm, relieving Sarah, sinking into his chair, and attempted, one more time that day, to get his attention focused on something other than the taste of the man sitting behind him.
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