The Fantasy Of Tom by Cassatt

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Disclaimer: Paramount owns them, damn it.
Rating: NC-17 Contains scenes of consensual adult M/M sex.

Summary: C/P, J/C, P/T Chapter Two: Chakotay gets some shocking news, but recovers nicely.
Copyright July 2001 Cassatt

The Fantasy of Tom

Kathryn rolled over, her arm stretching involuntarily, landing on Chakotay's chest, the feel of his skin more than pleasant. Movements made without conscious thought, usually toward each other, deeply asleep or with the vestiges of it tickling their brains. The rest of her body followed her arm, wrapping itself tightly around him, his arms encircling her in turn.

"Grngl shdu..."

She smiled against his skin, just awake enough to understand. "Okay... in a minute..."

"Un uh," he said as he quickly rolled her onto her back. He barely opened his eyes before falling on her mouth with a soft growl. She replied with a low moan from the back of her throat as their lips merged, opening without resistance, moving slowly, languidly. The lower halves of their bodies mimicked the soft movements of their mouths, entwining, rubbing up and down, pulling themselves tighter and tighter together.

She broke contact to look into his eyes. "Happy week after your birthday."

"Was that just a week ago?"

"Yes..... like you can't remember...." She licked along his jaw line, heading for his ear.

He was actually quite aware of exactly how many days it had been since she'd given him his holographic present. Tom. He never allowed himself to think about it when he was with her. He didn't need to. Fantasies about her still fueled him during slow times on the bridge. Occasional play in the ready room; whether it was one of her subtle invitations to be pinned against the wall, or climbing onto his lap on the couches kept the excitement high for both of them. Not that they needed the extra incentive. He still felt as though he couldn't get enough of her. Watching her walk down the corridor in front of him still drove him crazy. The sway of her hips. The strength of her posture. The bounce of her hair. Still.

"I love you, Kathryn," he said quietly, intently. He took his hand away from caressing her side and brought it up to the soft skin of her cheek, relishing the feel of it.

Her eyes once again locked with his. "I love you, too." She touched him lightly across his forehead. They smiled, then brought their mouths back together to begin the dance they knew very very well. Their favorite way to start the day.


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He was sitting in his office going over some staffing schedules for the following quarter, his mind wandering from the brain numbing sameness of the task. One week ago. Holographic Tom. His groin tightened at the memory. Gods, he had been turned on. The experience, even if on the holodeck, had been so much better than he'd ever imagined it. Tom's mouth on him, his hand on him. And being able to touch him back, to feel Tom's hardness increase as he stroked him. And to be inside him. Gods...

He gathered himself together, hard again and deciding what to do about it. He'd already jerked off three times in the shower over the past week from the memories. He groaned softly. He was considering engaging a secure door lock when the beep of his console indicated an incoming message. "Shit..." he muttered, tapping the controls.

"Chakotay -- I finally have the nerve to tell you the truth, but I have to write it instead of telling you in person. I was on the holodeck last week. It was me. Can I come see you? Tom."

His heart stopped dead in his chest. It was really him? He swallowed hard. His mind tried to adjust to what was the apparent reality. It was really him he fucked? The pounding sensation behind his sternum let him know that he was still alive, the blood filling his penis told him he would answer. He would agree to see Tom. Did the younger man want to continue? Did they even have anything to continue? He loved Kathryn. Tom loved B'Elanna. He'd strangle Tom half the time as look at him. But at times during the other half, he'd see him sitting at the helm right in front of him, and wish to hell he would have had the chance to say "yes" in the shuttle, so long ago.

Memories assaulted him again. Tom's mouth on his, his tongue thrusting. Those were Tom's lips, his tongue. In Chakotay's mouth and on his cock. His hand strayed to his groin, but he didn't need to check to know that he was getting too hard to function. Well, he certainly had nothing to hide from Tom. Not any longer. His heart began to thud again. His hand moved away from his lap and to the console.

"Yes." It was all he could think to say. He tapped the send command. Then he breathed.

A mere five minutes later the door chime sounded. He pulled his chair under the desk to hide his erection, which had not diminished much during the wait. He cleared his throat, took a breath and ordered the door opened.

Tom stood there, and when Chakotay met his eyes he saw an unexpected blaze of fire for a moment, then Tom dropped his gaze. Uncharacteristically nervous, he thought in surprise.

"Come in, Tom, it's okay..."

The pilot entered, moving suddenly, quickly, then hesitating as he reached the edge of the desk. "Chakotay, I.... I'm sorry for, um, pretending last week..." His voice trailed off.

There was no middle ground here, Chakotay realized. No rules. No codes of conduct. No parameters. He chuckled to himself. All he wanted was to bend Tom over the desk and take him again. His erection throbbed. He looked at the front of Tom's uniform and saw the slight bulge that, under his stare, was becoming more noticeable. He raised his eyes slowly and this time meeting Tom's he let his own fire be seen. The sky blue looking back at him held equal heat. He stood.

Tom took two steps forward until they were just six inches apart. Their eyes never waivered. Chakotay was unsure of exactly how to proceed, but he knew how to react to what came next. Tom put his hands on either side of his face and brought his mouth to Chakotay's. He gasped, inhaling sharply at the feel of the other man's lips on his. Just as he did on the holodeck, Tom thrust his tongue out, parting Chakotay's lips, then sent his tongue to plunder the older man's mouth, causing him to exhale forcefully with a moan. This was no kiss of love. It was pure testosterone, raw sexual desire and need.

Tom reached down and palmed Chakotay's erection, eliciting a deep groan and movement from his hips. Gods, please.... do it, Tom, do it...

"You know," Tom said, his mouth still pressed against the other man's, "I've had to jerk off four times this week, thinking about you fucking me..."

Chakotay suddenly felt like fainting, as he had on the holodeck, the need to be inside Tom so great, so overwhelming, he didn't really know how to handle it. He reached down himself and pressed against Tom's bulge, dragging his hand up and down it, wanting the younger man to lose control, not caring they were standing in his office, mouths working feverishly together, groping each other like two schoolboys.

Tom continued, "Please, I want..." he faltered.

"What do you want, Tom..." Chakotay ended with a groan as the pressure on his erection was increased.

"I don't want last week to be the only time." The yearning in his voice was unmistakeable.

Gods, Tom... He tried to take a breath, and think, but he was beyond thinking. He plundered Tom's mouth and grabbed at the zipper of his uniform, pulling it quickly, wanting to touch him, skin to skin. "I don't either," he managed to say into Tom's mouth.

"Oh, God, Chakotay...."

"Commander Chakotay to the bridge." Kathryn's voice was cool, countering the heavy breathing and moaning in the room.

"Shit," Chakotay said, pulling back, trying to catch his breath. He tapped his chest. "Chakotay here, Captain. What's the trouble?"

"No trouble, really, we're approaching the nebula."

"I'm in a conference with a member of the crew. Can I have ten minutes?"

"Take all the time you need, Chakotay. We'll be at the nebula for a few hours at least. Janeway out."

Tom dropped to his knees, his shaking hands reaching for the pants closure in front of his face.


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"Deck one," Chakotay said to the turbolift computer. He was trying desperately to ignore the close proximity of Tom, who appeared to be trying to ignore him as well.

Tom sighed deeply. "Computer, halt turbolift."

"Tom..."

Tom turned to him. "I apologize, but I need to ask you something."

He allowed himself to meet the younger man's eyes, praying his body wouldn't betray him and his need to have a professional facade at that moment. As he looked into the light blue ones, his stomach jumped. Shit, he thought. "Okay, ask me."

Tom took a deep breath. "Well, are you planning on telling the captain?"

Double shit. He also took a breath. "I don't know if I can answer that, or if I need to, actually. That's between her and me." He instantly regretted his sharp tone. "I'm sorry, Tom, I didn't mean it that way. Damn. I don't know what I'm going to do. Kathryn and I, well, we don't have secrets, or we try not to have any. I don't know..."

"I just wanted to know if I was going to be cleaning out conduits with a toothbrush or something." He looked up at the ceiling.

"Tom..."

Tom continued to look away, the normally cocky attitude nowhere in evidence.

Chakotay softened his tone. "Look," he said, touching Tom's arm, continuing only when he could make eye contact. "You didn't do anything that I didn't want, and Kathryn more than anyone knows that."

"Yes, but I'm the one who intruded on your birthday party. I'm the one who didn't keep quiet about it. I should have just let you think you'd had sex with a hologram..."

"And that fantasy would have only lasted so long," Chakotay said with a small grin.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, the memories of the holodeck were driving me a little nuts, when I let them. I'd been contemplating running the program again, and if I had, I would've known fairly quickly that it hadn't been a hologram the first time."

"How can you be so sure," Tom asked, a grin of his own forming.

"Oh, you know, taste, smell, chemistry..."

"Oh. Chemistry." Tom stared at him. The air between them was suddenly charged.

In effort to lessen it, rather than reacting to it by pressing Tom against the wall, Chakotay mentioned the other person involved. "And are you going to tell 'Lanna?"

Tom continued to stare at him, though he could see the change in his eyes. "I don't know that she's as understanding as the captain. She's a combination of being very possessive and very laid back, as you know. It might hurt her, for more than one reason."

"What's the other reason?"

"You," Tom said simply. "You must have known how she felt about you, on the Liberty."

"Yes, but... well, that was such a long time ago. She's in love with you..."

"I know that. And I love her. I guess I don't know what to do about telling her, either. I don't want to keep secrets from her."

Chakotay knew that if they didn't get the lift moving, someone from engineering would be calling. And he felt, perhaps as the older of the two, that it was the right moment to talk some sense. "Tom, maybe then, this should stop now, before anyone gets hurt..."

"Are you saying that's what you want?" Tom said sharply. This time he didn't turn away. His eyes blazed.

"What I want isn't always relevant. That's one lesson I've learned on this damned ship," Chakotay answered with equal force.

"Deck one," Tom barked out, turning on a dime, facing front.

"Computer, halt turbolift," Chakotay responded loudly. He grabbed Tom's arm and spun him around, staring into his eyes, not letting go of him. Tom didn't move a muscle in protest. The air was now more than charged. Chakotay wanted nothing more than to fall on Tom's mouth forcefully, shove his tongue into him and push him backwards to the wall. He knew his breathing was becoming labored, as was Tom's.

"Do it," Tom hissed. They continued to stare at each other.

Chakotay dropped the arm he was gripping so tightly. "I'm sorry, Tom." He turned to face the doors. "Deck one."

Tom said nothing. When the doors opened to the bridge, he walked rapidly, down the stairs to the helm, dismissing the person there and taking his place without greeting anyone.

Chakotay followed more slowly, his eyes never leaving the blond head stalking away from him, feeling like a heel. A guilty heel. Guilty for so many reasons. He reached his command chair and sat, finally noticing Kathryn turning to greet him, excitement in her eyes that instantly faded to a question. Her glance darted to Tom and back to him. He attempted to lighten the atmosphere. "So, Captain, how's the nebula? As interesting as you'd hoped?"

She hesitated. He willed her to drop it, silently promising he'd tell her later, when they were alone. "Well, actually, it's more interesting. We've found evidence of a weapon having been discharged in the interior, but can't do a complete scan due to the neutrino levels of the nebula. I need you and Tom to take the Flyer in and find out what you can."

He glanced at Tom just in time to see his shoulders sag then almost immediately square back up before he turned around. Tom refused to meet his eyes, instead looked directly at Kathryn. He spoke quickly before Tom could. "Of course. I assume you wish us to leave as soon as possible?"

"Yes, though you may certainly have some dinner first. If you want." She turned to Tom, still facing her. "Tom, is the Flyer ready?"

"Yes, ma'am, we finished repairing the shield calibration problem yesterday. She's ready."

"Good," Kathryn said with a smile to her pilot. "You hungry?"

This time Chakotay caught Tom's eye, though Tom was unreadable. "Yes, ma'am, I am hungry. Very definitely hungry," he answered her. Chakotay got it. He felt a twitch between his legs.

"All right then, Tom, you've just been relieved again," Kathryn smiled, "giving you the shortest helm shift you've had in weeks. Go have some dinner and meet Chakotay in thirty minutes in the shuttle bay. I don't expect the mission to take more than a few hours."

Tom stood. The ensign he had relieved came back from the science station. "Aye Captain. Commander." He gave a slight nod and headed off the bridge, once more refusing to meet Chakotay's eyes.

Kathryn leaned over the console and lowered her voice considerably. "Well, Tom is certainly in an odd mood. Is everything okay? Was he the person you were in conference with?"

Shit. All he wanted at that moment was to crawl into bed with her, tell her everything, have her reassure him that life was still fine, that he could screw Tom if he wanted and it wouldn't matter.....all he wanted.... He sighed audibly. "Yes, he was in my office this afternoon. I can't tell you the details at the moment. I think he'll be fine. But I'm pretty hungry, too, so if there's nothing else?"

"I'll take the lift ride with you," she answered, rising, handing the bridge to Tuvok, following him into the lift.

"Deck two," he intoned. "I'm going to my quarters to eat something quick."

"Enjoy. I'll stay on the bridge while you two are in the nebula, as usual." She reached out and took his hand. He grasped it tightly, grateful for the contact.

"Can I be with you later? Your quarters?" For some reason, he felt the need to ask, though they spent nearly every night together and everyone knew it.

"Of course, honey."

The doors swooshed open. "Computer, halt turbolift," she called out, locking eyes with him. "You be careful this evening, Chakotay. I want you coming home to me safe and sound, okay?"

"Don't worry, Kathryn, I will."

"And try to cheer Tom up, if you can? I don't want his mood to affect his judgement."

He nearly groaned. What would cheer Tom up is if I.... "He'll be fine. Okay?"

"Okay."

They smiled at each other and he left, turning to wave just before she called for the lift to resume. He walked quickly down the corridor to his quarters. Once inside the door he began to strip, his ultimate goal a quick sonic shower and a replicated sandwich and hopefully, a few minutes alone, to think, to center, to ground himself. Before being in an enclosed space for a few hours with the one person around whom he didn't feel very much self-control.